Be alert!  CPAs are all over the place.  The other day as I waited in a checkout line at Target I overheard a woman yakking away on her CP.  People in the shoe section could also hear her side of the conversation.  Evidently she didn't mind who heard her because she made no attempt to lower her voice.  During the five-minute sales transaction the woman chattered away. She had to use her free hand to riffle through her purse (which was more like a small suitcase) to locate her wallet.  Yakking up a storm she managed to write a check, show the sales associate (SA) her ID, scold two of her three children for fighting, and  place several bags in a shopping cart that was roughly the size of a Volkswagen.  Here's the amazing part.  With her free hand this petite woman steered the red beast to the exit, while herding three unruly kids.   I have to admit I admire her ability to multi-task. 
 
Had the woman been paying attention during the sales transaction she might have noticed the red bath towel someone had left on the counter.  It was in with her merchandise so the SA rang it up.  The woman returned a few minutes later and wagged the towel in his face. "This isn't mine!" she growled.  The SA turned as red as the towel.  He apologized for the mistake and explained that customer service would refund her money.   The angry woman turned and stomped off.  (Her kids made a beeline to the snack bar.) The SA shrugged and said, "Cell phones."  Evidently this sort of thing had happened before. 
 
My personal pet peeve is people who talk on their CPs and/or TM while driving.  I realize this is an unpopular position to take as I've gotten an earful from family and friends who tell me to get a life.  Their defense goes something like this: "Talking on a CP or TMing while driving is no more dangerous or distracting than eating, drinking a beverage, applying makeup, or flirting with the person in the car next to you."  That's like saying: "Since drivers already do a whole host of really dangerous activities, what could one more distraction hurt?" 
 
Brilliant.
 
Here's one example of why I'm against drivers talking on CPs and/or TMing.  The other day I was waiting at a stoplight at a busy intersection, and to pass the time I decided to count CP users making a left hand turn.  Six in all.  Two of the cars had precious cargo in the back seat, probably buckled up for safety.  What those kids really needed protection from was the parent who was driving the car!  You'd think adults would have the good sense to lay down their CPs for a few seconds and place both hands on the wheel, just in case the unexpected were to happen, like another vehicle plowing into them.  When it comes to CPs, even highly intelligent grown ups suddenly become Dumb and Dumber!
 
Making a left/right/U turn, or merging into traffic while jabbering on a CP is bad enough, but what I witnessed last week really takes the cake.  Once again I was at a busy intersection, this time with my husband and two friends.  We were shocked to see a young man perched on a bicycle in the left turn lane, waiting for the light to change.  Evidently he was working on his tan because the only covering he wore were cut off shorts and a variety of tattoos.  Any normal person would find riding a bike in heavy traffic an occasion for nail biting.  Not this kid though.  He sat there like he didn't have a care in the world, chatting on his CP.  It clearly hadn't occurred to him that he was surrounded on all sides by 4,000-pound automobiles, many of them driven by distracted CP users. 
 
The light turned green.  The boy's left hand gripped the handlebars, his slippery flip-flop found the pedal, and the bike sprinted forward.  The fool continued to chat through the turn. 
 
So, what's my solution to this global epidemic?  A twelve-step program for CPAs! 
 
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